Learning to like your voice

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Learning to like your voice is vitally important,  and usually at the bottom of the singing “to do” list, especially when we’re first learning to sing since there’s so much to think about.

And it’s often easier said than done, especially initially, when we’re judging every note. However, it’s so important because:

If you’re judging your performance, an audience can hear it. Every thought can be heard when singing, which is why it can be so challenging.

Judging your voice takes you out of the song and the moment, out of your body and back into your head – or across the other side of the Universe:)

Judging your voice makes you tense up your body and vocal cords, strangling the note and thus your performance. Which is why it’s often the basis of stage fright and performance anxiety.

Try to enjoy it

First and foremost, we need to enjoy singing and connect with the story of the song, its basic truth. Often easier said than done:) Here are a few ways round this:

1. If we’re focusing on the story of the song, allowing ourselves to be a storyteller, this changes our focus and helps stop the inner negative narrative. This gives purpose to the performance  and helps you, the performer, feel a  connection with the audience. It’s not just you up there on your own, you’re bringing a room together (no matter how big or small), with a sense of community. Having a purpose helps you relax. It’s not about you it’s about the song, and the music. Enjoy the music. If you’re feeling good, no matter the genre of song, it’s hard to tense up. And balance is key when singing. Mentally emotionally and physically.

2.  Put your attention in your heart every time you breathe in. The ego is housed in the brain, the flight or fight response. Taking your attention down to the heart cuts through that, it has no power there. From there, you’re not that far away from the diaphragm and you can allow it to relax. Just let it relax as you breathe in to sing.  The feeling of smiling as we breathe in, relaxing the diaphragm and body, so we can use its core energy.

The same rules apply to liking your voice as they do to singing in general. We need to get out of the mind and into the body, and stay in the present. So when you’re practicing, start to program “feeling good” as you breathe in, aka the “smiling” diaphragm. It’s hard to get tense when you’re feeling good, especially if your diaphragm is smiling! Once again, programming the subconscious to change the path of how it used to do it, to a new way that works better.

As you get used to relaxing your diaphragm as you breathe in, get used to enjoying your voice as you use that breath to sing.  Stay in the moment and enjoy the feeling of singing. The voice is a muscle, if you’re doing it right, then you’re developing your vocal strength and control the more you so. Your voice is then going to sound better and better the more you sing and the more you practice. The worst thing you can do is to judge that practice, since you’re merely hindering your vocal development.

Be honest with yourself 

However, there’s a difference between not judging ourselves, being forgiving of the mistakes etc we make as we’re learning, and pretending that we sound amazing when we know there’s still a long way to go. I’ve had a lot of students mention that they don’t want to be that person who sings with total confidence and is simply making an arse of themselves:)  

However, very few singers are totally confident initially, you’re not alone.  In fact, my personal experience is that stage fright and judging what we’re doing is the most common hindrance when singing. We all suffer from it in one way or another. Which is where the craft comes in. Building confidence over time as your skill level increases. Once again practice, practice, practice.  There will always have to be a few leaps of faith.

As your voice gets stronger and you gain more control, so does your confidence, and it’s easier to like your voice, because it’ll feel and sound “right”.  So just as we’re changing the path of the note physically, we can do the same thing with liking the voice.

And as far as the judgments go, try to be forgiving.  Tell your subconscious to “put it in a box and you’ll deal with it later”.  And the dealing with it later is when you’re practicing the song.  Look at that difficult line or passage.  Very often it’s simply a breathing issue, or miss-placed vowels, or posture.

Step by step

1. It can help to consciously check in, initially, and pat your self on the back when you do something right. Once again, connect with the story of the song, the emotion.

2. Read the lyrics out loud and consider what they mean to you. Try to resonate as you read them, like a poem. What’s the basic emotion of the song?

3. Then sing the song with the same emotion. “Think” that emotion as you breathe in to the diaphragm. Then when you’re really in the moment, sing the song. Truly connecting with the diaphragm may only happen occasionally at first.  But, even if the technique might not all be in place yet, the feeling will be there.  And that’s what an audience wants to hear.  Not over-emotional, hammy stuff (well, not always:)  But something that truly resonates.

So you have to “be in your own space” and not be worried about technique or audience response to be able to perform with true power.

You’ll know if you’re getting it right, because not only will it sound right to you and feel right, but you’ll start getting positive feedback, in whatever form.

Find your own pace

What’s great about the singing experience is being able to do it at your own pace. Don’t put yourself into a challenging position re. your performance until you’ve checked your reality and feel ready.

No two singers are the same, so you might be in a band, or be a serious musician who’s musically trained and wants to learn to sing, or an experienced singer who has a few vocal challenges that need to be addressed, or be in a choir or choral group, or want to be able to speak publicly, or want to have the confidence to sing in front of family and friends, or to sing karaoke confidently (harder to say than to write) or in a show – the list goes on and on.

Find a song

As a rule of thumb, get to a point where you know at least one song really well, that’s sung by the original singer in a key that works for you. You can sit in with bands with this song, because if it’s in your genre and well known, they’ll probably know it. If you can, and if it’s relevant, get the sheet music to give to the band (one for the keyboard player, one for the bass player in a trio situation).

There are lots of great sites out there where you can change the key of the song online and then print it out (either type in the title of the song, or google it.

http://www.sheetmusicdirect.com/

is a good one. Download “Sibelius Scorch” and then you can preview the song and even change the key. Just click “up” and “down” on the music symbol. Play along with the demo to try out the key. This helps if you have an audition or want to play the song either on your own or with a band. You don’t have to buy the whole book of songs and it’s only a few bucks).

When it feels right and opportunity comes around, sing the song as much as you can. Add to your repertoire as you go along.

And when you’ve sung the song many times, it won’t be such a big deal. You might get bits wrong here and there, but you know you’ve done it right many times before, so you’re more forgiving of yourself and your performance.

And the more you do it, and get used to doing it, and enjoy doing it, and stay in the moment, the more you like your voice.

Related articles:

How to breathe properly

Dealing with stage fright