Stage Fright – my own journey

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It feels important to tell my own stage fright journey at this point. I made Levels 1 and 2 in 2010 and it’s now 2025. Circling back I can see the arc of my own learning path. When I was in it, not so much, and now, very much so. Theres’s an old saying that you teach what you need to learn, and that’s very true in my case.

It’s also worth mentioning that I’m still very much a student in the “ University of life”, as, no doubt, we all are:) Which is another way of saying I didn’t make this program from the standpoint of “I know everything “ in any way. It came about because, from my years as a professional singer and then years of teaching singing, I saw patterns being repeated again and again and realized they weren’t just true for me, but were also true for many people.

I began by teaching what I’d been taught, and saw very quickly the things that worked and vice versa. Just by the nature of things, people become your guinea pigs, although that’s never anyone’s plan at the outset. If it works/doesn’t work for 100 people, then 200 etc, it’s pretty clear the way to go about things.

For example, most of my teachers had been classically trained, and so that was how I was taught. The “smile technique “ was one I particularly remember. This works, but can make you sound very “chipmonkey”. The basic idea was right, but if you put all of your attention on the jaw it constricts the throat.

So I gravitated to using the tongue and the space within the mouth. This was also what I’d been taught, although not quite in the way I ended up visualizing and teaching it.

Because every teacher has their own way up the mountain, and, since my interest in life is mainly spiritual in nature, this is how and why the approach of Level 2 was born.

I came to teaching from being a professional singer for 20 years beforehand. I was an actor originally, but gravitated to singing because I liked the freedom of it – in that I was making all the choices – plus I heard Billie Holliday for the first time in my 20’s (she wasn’t big in England) and I fancied myself in a club wearing a sparkly dress:)

In between doing a gezillion gigs I went to college at the Guildhall School of Music in London for a couple of years to learn music theory. I ran bands, was in other people’s bands, sang many different genre of songs and had a great time, in hindsight:) Lots of life lessons. My life changed when I got the gig as a back up singer for a famous band (who shall be nameless).

This was a double-edged sword. I had money for a change, and saw that a big gig is just like a small one, there’s just a lot more people. In some ways easier, for it can be more challenging to sing for just a few people. They’re much closer to you, and you can look into their eyes:)

The downside was that over a year (I was with this band for 9 years) I was away for 2-6 weeks at a time, very concentrated work. They often did 9 gigs a week (matinees included) and I’d come home exhausted. Getting gigs takes time and effort and it had lost its appeal at this point. Plus I was resting up for the next onslaught. So it started to feel like everyone else in my musical community was getting on with life, while I was treading water.

Concurrent to my musical experience was my spiritual life. It became apparent to me that what was making me unhappy was my ego. There was no Echkart Tolle in those days, nothing like that. So I thought that putting myself below others was the way ahead. Wrong:)

This resulted in me having a major stage fright episode in an epic way.

I’d felt it coming on for about a week. The band were going to film a DVD live at the Albert Hall in London. We’d made a couple more live recordings and they went without a hitch for me. This one however…they filmed over 2 days.

The first day they mainly used the music, the second the live footage. The first day was fine, the second was torture. The ground opened up before me, songs I’d sung a thousand times made no sense and I couldn’t remember the lyrics.

They fired me a few months after. No doubt they’d seen the rushes, the raw footage. I wasn’t surprised to be honest, and also a bit relieved. I was doing it purely for the money, since by this time I’d learned what I needed to learn from the experience.

I had a partner of three years and we’d move to the US together. Luckily he was working so we trundled on. Eventually moving to San Francisco where I started to teach. Since I’d done all the small gigs this no longer had such an appeal, and I slowly realized that by teaching I was giving back and not making everything about me. I was learning the ego lesson anyway, but not at all how I’d envisioned it!

With hindsight, I can now see that, through teaching, I was working through my stage fright issues, and the root fears that had caused it.

It got to the point that I realized I had a very clear path up the mountain and wanted to share that. The book and vocal coaching audio came first, then the Level 1 videos.

Level 2 came about because I realized that, once a student had learned how to sing technically, I couldn’t help them with the fears of performing.

Simply by observing students I’d seen the similarities of their fears and mine, but although I could now see how to navigate it, merely talking about it did very little good. Singing and performing is an experiential thing, not an intellectual one. Yes, one has to learn how to do it, but when it comes to actually performing the song, we need to be in the moment.

Then a dear friend gave me a class in sound healing. She’d done a course in SF and needed a guinea pig. A light bulb went on and I realized “Oh, of course, the chakras! That’s what we’re using to sing, anyway!”

She also introduced me to the work of Cyndi Dale and I felt I’d come home. Her knowledge slowly became infused into my work and, over a number of years, Level 2 was born (btw I have her permission to use her knowledge).

My (now) husband works in the music business on the technical side, so between the two of us we filmed both Levels in a few different locations.

I had no idea how challenging this was going to be! I hadn’t performed in years, and presumed it was going to be like a one-on-one teaching lesson. Not!

On the first Level 1 day there was the camera crew, and the make up lady. I was shy at first but got into it simply because I had to get it all done, but now, all these years later, I can see my fear. It looks like I’m trying to please my parents:)

The second shoot (the pink shirt) was a lot more challenging. My husband had got us a deal in San Diego on a sound stage. A lot more people involved, I didn’t like how I looked, and I felt like a fly on a pin. In hindsight, I should have trusted my intuition, passed on this deal and had faith we would find another way.

The Level 2 videos are a lot better. We’d figured out how to film at home by this point, it was just him and me, I felt much more confident. Plus I’d learned what not to do from the first 2 recording days:)

And, ultimately, it’s about giving information, not about me or my appearance.

Now, 15 years later, I feel that these videos chart the stage fright experience. Feel the fear and do it anyway, don’t take yourself too seriously, and let yourself suck. Knowing that by doing that and staying in the moment you will get better. Still means I cringe a bit when I look at some of the San Diego footage, but meh, it says what it needs to say and that was what it was.

On a personal note, I’ve now decided to go back to performing and writing my own music, which is going to be another step in the journey of being an authentic performer. I’m very much looking forward to putting all of the things I’ve learned, and have shared/am sharing with you, into practice:).

Namaste and all good things, and I hope this explanation brings a level if clarity to your experience in working with this program.

Related articles:

Dealing with stage fright

The Imagination Pathway (river of energy)

The chakras, subtle bodies and the multiverse

Zen qualities of singing

Spirit vs. Ego, the old battle